Today is my first day off for the Christmas break, and boy am I enjoying drinking my coffee without the morning hustle and bustle, and just being able to
be still. I can't help but become a little nostalgic because today also marks one year that I watched doctors and nurses wheel Logan back to the operating room once again, for his eleventh surgery, (fifth cranial-vault reconstruction) where were then directed to the oh-so-familiar family waiting room at Medical City Dallas Children's Hospital. Both sides of our families were there supporting us like they always do, and words cannot even express how much that means to us. Our wonderful pastor and his wife, Donnie and Karen Foster came to be with us as well, and to pray for Logan and our family during this stressful time. I remember how scared I felt, but also thinking to myself, "Lisa, we've gone through this so many times before, you know what to expect and you know the outcome." One would think that this gets easier once you've been through it so many times, and when your child gets older it shouldn't be as difficult, right? But to be honest, it doesn't. It does not get easier while Steve and I wait in the surgery holding area to see the medical staff walk up and say, "Ok Mom and Dad, time for hugs and kisses and goodbyes, they're ready for him" where I have to
fight tears from streaming down my face so he doesn't see how worried, scared and sad I feel that he has to go through so much pain,
again, but rather put a big smile on my face and say, "I love you and we will see you in a little while, sweet dreams" while I watch them roll my son away, knowing what is about to happen. He needs to see my face smiling before they wheel him back to an operating room with doctors and nurses all dressed in green or blue scrubs and masks on their faces and tools and machines everywhere.
On some level, it does help to know what to expect now when he has to have surgeries and what to bring to the hospital, but it can also be a disadvantage to
know....to
know that he will probably be sick from the anesthesia, cry out in pain most of the nights, beg the nurses to please don't wash his incision of about 100 stitches that runs from one ear across his head to his other ear, have so much swelling that his eyes are swollen shut and which also have a stitch in each eyelid to protect them until the swelling goes down, to go days without sleep, and pray that he doesn't get an infection from the spinal fluid drains.
However, what
is easier, is knowing that God's abundant love never fails. It is always there, and reminds me that "there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning." It is
easier having my savior, Jesus, who hears our prayers, and sometimes down right pleas, for protection and healing. I look back over the past year, and realize how much God has done for my family, in many aspects, and how far we have come. Logan is a true testament of just how real God's love and faith is.
Our God is a loving and forgiving God. He gives us the strength and hope to make it though our darkest hours or moments, if we trust in Him.
God Bless!
"I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." ~ Philippians 4:13
before swelling set in
four days after surgery, playing the wii through slightly opened eyes
going home! Christmas eve 2013
That was then, this is now
