Moms: Do you ever feel like you don't even have time for your own thoughts and feelings? Does the day-to-day hustle and bustle, kids' activities, work, home, volunteer work, end of the school year calendar, sports, doctor appointments, surgeries, therapies, etc (the list could go one) leave you feeling drained of everything you have, instilling that first world parody of: "I just can't even"? Yeah, me too.
However, I recently had the opportunity to reprieve for just a few hours, and it is amazing what difference it makes, to be able to just sometimes be alone. It's quite an epiphany actually, to really allow ourselves this gift.
I have been watching over my parents house while they are away, and decided this time to go alone. Of course I asked my boys if they wanted to go, since we are temporarily in an apartment until we close on a house at the end of the month, but they said, "nah, I'll stay here." They're finally old enough now to be able to take care of themselves for just a few hours. So, without hesitation, I left. I arrive at my parents' house, watered their gardens and took full advantage of their offering of: "use the hot tub if you'd like." So, I did. I sat in the hot tub hoping my knotted and stressed muscles would subside. For a full hour! No one around, no one asking me one thousand questions, no one demanding anything. I'm pretty blessed to even have access to such gift. But, I have to admit, it was strange being there, alone. Just me, myself and I.....and all my pent up thoughts and emotions. But I fought the guilt, and enjoyed it. I was able to decompress all the changes that have happened in our lives this year: selling our house, the school year, the hunt for a house, living in an apartment, coming to grips with the fact that our oldest will be entering high school next year, so the whole focus changes: it's not only about academics now. There's this thing called: life plans.
Just in the few hours I was able to spend time for myself, I feel I was finally able to focus on the positive things in my life right now, and not the "woe is me." Am I still tired? Yes. Do I still have stress? Yes. But in my moments of seclusion, I was able to be still.....and be with God. I was finally able reconcile and do business with God. No distractions. No, "mom what's for dinner", or the dog needs to go out, or work to be done on the computer, random conversations, or dishes, and yadda yadda.
I write this blog because I know there are some exhausted moms and dads out there, especially ones who have children with special needs, who feel the desperation of just "needing a break." And sometimes, the break needs to be alone time. It will come. Pray about it. I personally know, that if I didn't have my relationship with God, even in those moments when I'm even just too tired to pray (I'd like to think we've all felt this way) I would feel defeated. But God is always there. He never leaves my side, even when I am down in the dumps, He speaks to my heart and reminds me to be patient, and do not be afraid. I am definitely guilty of both.
I am so glad I was able to "do business" with God today. My prayer is for all of you parents, who need that alone time to just be still, and do business with God, giving Him your burdens and praising Him for your blessings.
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to Be Still." ~ Exodus 14:14