Finally an updated family photo!  This picture was taken at our church, January 19th, 2014, just four weeks post-op from Logan's 5th cranial vault!  He has bounced back so quickly this time, and I look at him and think how much he has conquered and overcome in these last 12 years!  I have always been in awe of how well he has tackled life's obstacles, hurdles, and some issues have seemed to be that of a pole vault event.  But we conquer, and move on to all of life's adventures.  But somehow, this last surgery has brought about some lingering emotions for me as a mom.  I have been flooded with nostalgia of all the previous surgeries, developmental discoveries and milestones, the memories, and am left with a slight feeling of sadness, despite the fact that all of these events, good and bad, have blessed our family in so many ways, and I truly don't think I could count them all.  Which leaves me with some questions:  Why do I feel sad when he has survived more unimaginable surgeries that most kids, and adults, will ever go through in a lifetime?  Or, am I simply feeling this way because I am faced with the fact that he is starting to grow up?  I have come to the conclusion that I am simply realizing that this little hero has become a preteen, is growing up, and that our focus for what we want him to accomplish is now beginning to shift.  I am taken, once again, down memory lane and begin remembering when he was able to roll over in his crib, crawl, walk, pick up things with his hands, talk (finally at age 3), color with crayons, sing songs, going to school for the first time, learn his ABC's & 123's, cut with scissors, play with play dough, playing the PlayStation, riding a bike, etc.  We have rejoiced and celebrated for each one, and have now moved on to more sophisticated skills like adapting and learning to use a "regular" pencil, using advanced technology,...and he is now learning to drive a go cart!  I think I am realizing that the developmental milestone days are accomplished and can be checked off of that list.  So now what?  Now, I find myself beginning to think about things like:  Will he be okay in middle school?  Will he break free from his painful shyness to "receive" good friendships?  Will he sit alone at lunch?  Will he "get invited" to events?  Middle school age is the beginning of self discovery - phase 1 (of many, I might add).  And then there's high school.......Will he be able to drive?  What kind of job will he be able to get?  Will he be independent?  That, is the ultimate goal that we hope for, for him.  Of course, we have high expectations for him and hope that the answer to all of these questions is yes, but what will the hurdles be in the coming years?   Life with a child with special needs is like a roller coaster, and you have grieving periods each time your child faces yet, another challenge.  So, my "glass half full" perspective on this roller coaster ride is that it has been scary, fun, breathtaking, with a "butterflies in my stomach feeling," leaving me with a sense that I have accomplished something, or conquered a fear.  Accomplishments:  seeing him learn and grow, and being a part of that teaching.  Fear:  Seeing him suffer through horrendous surgeries and pain, with the feeling of "there's nothing I can do about this," except be there to hold his hand and let the doctors and nurses work their magic.  If I had previously known everything this boy was going to endure on this first roller coaster, I probably would have had a nervous breakdown.  But now, it is time to get off the current roller coaster, only to get onto another one, one that is new, that I've never ridden before, and certainly don't know what to expect or how long the ride will be.  Do I really want to know what the hurdles are going to be?  Probably not.  So, of all the unknown, there is one thing that I am very certain of, and that is that God will be with us, the entire ride.  He is the seat belt, the safety bar that keeps us from harm, and lets us know that He will always be in control, and to not be afraid.  God gave us his only son, Jesus, so that we could live and fulfill His purpose.  Without Jesus, fear will consume you.  This has become the answer to my questions:  God knows what He has planned for Logan, and for our family.  Therefore, Jesus is my answer, my savior, my blessing, and I choose to turn to Him when I am on this roller coaster ride.  Prayer is my approach as I step onto this next ride, strapping in and holding on for dear life:  prayer for strength, knowledge, courage and faith for all of my family members as we enjoy this ride together leading us down the path that He has chosen for us.  

Until next blog,
God Bless,

Lisa Brown
lbrownfaa@gmail.com